Goals and realizations

Today I hit my next goal. I've now lost 39.4 pounds. I'm one third of my way to my goal. I'm 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. I'm 3.3 BMI points away from being merely 'over weight'. I should be doing a happy dance in the street and yet I'm not. I feel meh about the whole thing. Fact is I feel like nothing's changed. I'm almost 40 pounds lighter but I feel the same.

It's like I've stopped seeing the changes. To me I look the same and since no one seems to have noticed that I've lost weight it seems to reinforce that feeling. Part of that is my fault. I'm not shouting it from the roof tops, I'm not posting before and after pictures, I'm not really even talking about it. Fact is I never took before pictures. Now I know comparing now to then might help change my perception, but when I'm so far from my goal I don't see how. More people now know that I've been working to lose weight, but not many. I've done that on purpose. I don't want false hope, cheers, people counting on me to do this. I put enough pressure on myself, I don't want people rooting for me to fail. Even those with the best intentions never seem to really be sinecure when it comes to body changes. Always comparing, hoping that you don't outshine them, minimizing their progress or struggle. It's human nature and why I do this alone.

I have proven I am strong. I will do this. I'm fighting through stress and uncertainty at the moment, the weight loss being one of the only steady things in my life right now and that scares me. Giving it too much power, becoming wrapped up in it. Going to far.

For now I try to accept the changes, or lack there of, and keep climbing.

Another month down

Life is marching on, little less then a month and we are free from the navy! Goodbye career and stability and hello unemployment. It's a bit unsettling. Husband needs to go to housing this week and see if we can stay in the place we are at for now. We won't have the extra to get into a new place till June, so hopefully we can just change how we pay rent and just keep things how they are. My eating well might be put aside for a month or two since eating and paying rent won't be able to be done at the same time lol we will figure it out!

So, weigh in.
04/08 223.8 pounds. A total loss of 35.2.

I still have a hard time believing it. It's happening though and by January I will be at a weight I can't remember ever being at! Just hoping all this stress, relocation, and not knowing doesn't completely mess up my progress!