Today I hit my next goal. I've now lost 39.4 pounds. I'm one third of my way to my goal. I'm 5 pounds away from my pre pregnancy weight. I'm 3.3 BMI points away from being merely 'over weight'. I should be doing a happy dance in the street and yet I'm not. I feel meh about the whole thing. Fact is I feel like nothing's changed. I'm almost 40 pounds lighter but I feel the same.
It's like I've stopped seeing the changes. To me I look the same and since no one seems to have noticed that I've lost weight it seems to reinforce that feeling. Part of that is my fault. I'm not shouting it from the roof tops, I'm not posting before and after pictures, I'm not really even talking about it. Fact is I never took before pictures. Now I know comparing now to then might help change my perception, but when I'm so far from my goal I don't see how. More people now know that I've been working to lose weight, but not many. I've done that on purpose. I don't want false hope, cheers, people counting on me to do this. I put enough pressure on myself, I don't want people rooting for me to fail. Even those with the best intentions never seem to really be sinecure when it comes to body changes. Always comparing, hoping that you don't outshine them, minimizing their progress or struggle. It's human nature and why I do this alone.
I have proven I am strong. I will do this. I'm fighting through stress and uncertainty at the moment, the weight loss being one of the only steady things in my life right now and that scares me. Giving it too much power, becoming wrapped up in it. Going to far.
For now I try to accept the changes, or lack there of, and keep climbing.
Eve, good luck to you. You HAVE accomplished a lot and you should be proud.
ReplyDeleteDo you feel like it's getting easier? Are you healthy and happy? You might want to try changing up your plan a little.
My first 25 pounds lost were difficult and I felt proud of it, but I was still feeling the same. Then I switched plans and found something that I like much better, and started feeling healthier and happier almost right away.
Hang in there!